just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
