Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
