Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
