apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize