so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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