there's paper in my vomit.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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