you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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