I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
