my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
