Welp...herpes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
