Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
