he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
