I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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