i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
