I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
