Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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