it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
