There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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