if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
