i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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