I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
