I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
