Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
