Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
