i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
