I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
