At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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