I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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