How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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