So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
