I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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