Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize