So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize