The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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