Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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