Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
