Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
