im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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