If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
