I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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