I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
