ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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