on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize