There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
