DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
