Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
