Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
