i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
