imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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