How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
