Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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