Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
