so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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