Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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