All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
