I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
