He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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