I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
