Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
