This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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