A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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