found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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