By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
