the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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