Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
