I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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