he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize