I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't deserve a penis
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
