you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
