dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
