I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
