a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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