Tell her she can't have a vagina
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
